And THAT's for waking me up at 3am for nothing!

As a rookie, there was no shortage of partners and Field Training Officers for me. After all, everyone wanted a chance to put The Corporal through the wringer as retribution for all the 'crappy' calls, early morning rousings, and unwillingness to budge on which unit responds to which call. I remember one warm day, getting called to a 'routine' ER transfer to home. Under normal circumstances, this would have been a gurney van call. It was my first week as an EMT, and at this point, I was the 'tech' for every call. I should have had an inkling as to what type of day I was going to have the minute I walked into the Emergency Room. As soon as we entered the room where our patient was waiting, I was stunned by a wave of Deja-Vu. The look on my face must have been price-less as the RN we had been chatting with tapped my arm and asked if I was OK.

• RN: You must be the new trainee Randy has been expecting.
• Me: Yessssss.....
• RN: Are you OK Honey? You look a little shocked?
• Me: I'm OK...just a little Deja- Vu...I've been here before, NOTHING has changed since I was 5!
• RN: You remember?? Are you sure?
• Me: Yes! That papoose board is in the same place, you keep suture supplies in there, the gurneys are in the same place, and those horrid LIGHTS are the same.
• RN: Amazing. What were you in for? And how do you remember?
• Me: It was awful! I was riding my bike barefoot, split my big toe open and had to be held down by a nurse during the stitches, because not even the papoose board kept me immobilized. I remember this because I bit her.
• RN: THAT WAS YOU??? I still have scars from you! *Holds up hand for me to see tiny little tooth shaped scars.*I learned my lesson not to trust an 'immobilized' kid. The entire ER knows your story. I can't believe you became an EMT and THIS is your first call from this hospital!
• Me: I AM SOOOO SORRY!*extremely embarrassed and satisfied at the same time*

You can imagine that my FTO was laughing at me as our RN proceeded to walk out of the room and announce that "The Kid that bit me" was there as an EMT. From there the transport proceeded somewhat uneventfully. We managed to pack our patient and her many belongings into the rig and we got her home. 'HOME' was an apartment that was squalid at best, full of dirty clothing, garbage,TV dinner remains, and newspapers of various vintage. The heat was stifling, and despite the patients large frame and inability to ambulate unassisted, we managed to get her inside. What happened next, was beyond the normal call of duty.

Since her 'caretaker' (I use this term verrry loosely) had not yet arrived, she asked me to help her get dressed and out of her hospital gown. If you ask me, she would have been cooler in the gown, but she insisted on various undergarments, a longsleeve button up blouse, and a pair of pants. Let me tell you, I had to get over my own inhibitions and embarassment quickly . I squeamishly helped her get dressed (everything else was fine, but I was a little to close to her birthday suit for my then naive/rookie comfort.) She then asked me if I could help her use the bathroom. I won't get into details, but I ended up helping her,and as I was hanging out of her bathroom window gasping for cool, fresh air, my lovely friend and FTO snapped a picture of a very bedraggled, disheveled and stunned rookie. He received a pair of sweaty latex gloves and my stethescope launched at his head for his pains. As we cleared the call, I vaguely remember passing out from the heat as we drove off to quarters. My rest was short lived as I was jolted forward. I awoke to the sounds of tires screeching to a halt, my FTO screaming "OH SHIT!" and saw what I perceived to be a tractor trailer grille and headlights coming straight at us! I screamed, clutched my seatbelt, and saw my life flash before my eyes. When the crash didn't happen, I looked over at my so-called 'friend' who was nearly doubled over in laughter.

• FTO: You should have seen your face! It was even better than the picture I took of you hanging out of the bathroom window!
• Me: *Looking back and forth between him and the truck that was 'coming straight at us' with my mouth agape.* Wha-? How? What the hell?
• FTO: Oh... that tractor is getting towed by a tow-truck, we are just waiting for the light to turn green.
• Me: I HATE YOU! I think I wet myself!!! Oh my God. Am I dead? I think I am going to have an aneurysm.
• FTO: THAT is for all those times you woke me up at 3am for nothing.
• Me:*crawling to back of ambulance.* OK...I GUESS I deserve that. If you need me, I'll be back here silently shoving my lungs back into place seeing as how I just SCREAMED THEM OUT for no reason.
• FTO: Ahhhh...that was GOOD!

See FAQ's" about The Corporal for more EMS shenanigans.