Code 3 Hi-jinks. OR: Cell phones, convertibles and The Empress Oblivious

When you think about Code 3, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Lights? Sirens? Running red lights? Have you ever wondered what was going on inside the rig? Well, let me shed some light on that subject. I would be lying if I said that running Code 3 did not induce an adrenaline rush. The stimulus of flashing lights and the sound of sirens can amplify an already stressful situation. But, you can leave it up to oblivious drivers to take an already stressful transport, and 'KICK IT UP A NOTCH! This type of situation helped to engrave certain incidents into my memory. This may not have been a Code 3 call, but I am adding it here none the less. We had just picked up a wonderful elderly lady who had fallen, and was complaining of hip and severe back pain. Naturally, my partner was driving slowly , avoiding potholes and carefully negotiating railroad tracks. I was enjoying my conversation with my patient.

• Madame: Can they see me? *Pointing at car flashing lights at us and weaving back and forth trying to get around us. I had been watching him flying up the road.*
• Me: Yes Ma'am! Since the light is on, and it's dark out, you can see inside. Do you want me to turn off the lights?
• Madame: No way young lady! You leave that be! *Holds up both hands, flipping off tailgater* BACK OFF ASSHOLE!
• I collapsed on the bench in a fit of giggles as the tailgater backed wayyyyy off.

And then there was:

• The time a lady decided that the best course of action was to pass up an ambulance with it's lights and sirens on, cut it off then slam on her brakes, just so she could make the turn before it did. (BTW, it is a disconcerting thing for a rookie to watch her normally complacent, hard to rile FTO/friend lose his temper, lean out the window and utter harsh words. Well, harsh for HIM anyway.)
• The time an airport shuttle van pulled a similar stunt on the freeway. He had been tailing us for almost 2 miles then shot around us , nearly wiping out my front end. After making my partner brace her feet against the dash screaming, he then cut across all lanes of traffic so as not to miss his exit. I had almost forgotten we had a rookie riding third man that day. Only when I heard "Holy CRAP!" emanate from the back did I peek back to see him with one hand on the bar anchored in the ceiling, other elbow crooked around the bar next to the bench seat, one foot braced against the qurney and a maniacal grin plastered across his face. "Are ALL Code 3 responses this thrilling? What is this? Bullitt?" Needless to say, the shuttle driver got big time busted by his employers and The Highway Patrol. After we finished the call, I tucked a dollar bill into the rookies jumpsuit pocket, then told him , "That was the best damned pole dancing I have ever seen in the back of a moving ambulance."

BUT...I will leave you with a short story. Cell phones, convertibles and The Empress Oblivious The Corporal ran her share of Critical Care Transports. This was where there was an RN on board in addition to the regular EMT crew ,and the rigs were loaded with various advanced medical devices such as heart monitor, pulse ox, defibrillator, etc. On this particular evening, The Corporal and her partner were working with one of her favorite RN's on a 'routine' transport of a Cardiac patient from an overloaded ER to a hospital with the necessary facilities. Upon arrival at the ER, the crew discovered to their dismay, that the patient was not stabilized for transport, nor did it seem that the sending MD cared. After a quick, heated discussion in low tones (so as not to 'disturb' the rest of the ER), it was decided by the CCT Nurse that they would transport the patient Code 3 "Dr. Bitch and his insensitive quack practices be damned." ( I many not be quoting this correctly as I was attempting to stifle laughter at the time. NOTE: You do NOT want to anger an already ticked off CCT RN any further. I am not sure whether I was laughing because I thought it was supremely funny, or whether the stress release impulse was kicking in.)

The crew loaded their patient into the ambulance and proceeded to pull away from the ER. "LIGHT IT UP, Corporal!" said the Nurse. "I don't really give a rats puckered end whether or not 'Dr.Bitch' wants a silent transport. He's not running this call, and this man needed to get settled in yesterday." And off they went, amidst a herald of sirens and a flurry of flashing lights.

Now, their destination was not far, but many perils awaited them on the road. The route was a two lane road, riddled with stoplights,meandering traffic, potholes and bumpy pavement courtesy of ancient Oaks and Eucalyptus trees that lined the way. The El Camino Real (the shortest route) was also the route of the Queen of Idiots.

This Queen was a mighty hindrance. For even though the ambulance 'requested' the right of way with lights and sirens, she seemed unmindful of their presence. Perhaps she could not see them you say? It was dusk, and beneath the canopy of trees one could see their reflection in the windows of the businesses lining the way. The colored lights glittered and sparkled, creating a light show of sorts on the avenue. Perhaps she could not hear them? She was riding in a nicely polished, convertible with the top down for Chrysler's sake. What then was the problem? Perhaps it was the cel phone glued to her ear, the annoying music piping out of her speakers, the magazine she was glancing at and the greasy burger she was shoving into her mouth. This amazing woman was so oblivious to her surroundings, she did not even heed the requests over the PA system to "Please pull to the right!" Every other car was pulled off to the side of the road in both directions, yet she continued to slowly weave back and forth in front of the ambulance. From the back of the ambulance came the mutterings of a mad Nurse and an EMT trying his best to keep a firm grip on his sanity.

• EMT: I think I am going to be sick!*Taking vital signs and trying to legibly scribble his findings on his Patient Care Report.*
• RN: Would it be too much to ask people to be AWARE of their surroundings? I wish I had a remote and a way to toss this defibrillator into that car. Stupidity should be painful.

I really don't remember how she finally got out of the way, nor what the exact sequence of events were. The only thing I recall was that :

The Corporal managed to finally maneuver her way around the occupied Empress Oblivious, and was not surprised to see the look of astonishment on the visage of her highness as she passed by. The car screeched to a halt in front of a police car waiting to make a right hand turn. The Corporal looked into her rear view mirror just in time to see her getting pulled over,cel phone STILL pressed to her ear.