Can I have a translator please? Or: The risque calls of dispatching.

One of the things that I observed early on in my EMS career, was that there were a great many health care workers (MDs and RNs aside...that is a whole 'nother ball of wax) whose first language was not English. Heck, it may not even have been their second language in some cases. Now, sometimes one has a hard enough time communicating complaints and ailments in one's native tongue. Add a telephone conversation to the situation and confusion, hilarity and frustration can set in. As a dispatcher, your job can be summarized into one word. COMMUNICATION. Your whole world in the COMMUNICATION center revolves around it. As I mentioned, many of the health care workers I dealt with did not speak English as their native language. The majority of my memorable calls came from these workers.

Manong Betty (MB) was a Convalescent Home LVN with a heavy Filipino accent. Now, MB had a lovely patient who was complaining of heartburn (Of course, she could not tell me for how long...she just got on shift, and 'It is not her patient' ) . Could we pliss send an amboolahnce at wahnce to tek 'Angela' to thee 'ospitaal? 'Of course!' I replied ,and proceeded to take down chief complaint, age, location of patient, desired hospital, etc.

• Corporal: (entering call into computer as she talks) Ma'am, an ambulance is already on it's way.
• MB: Thank you. No sirens or lights. This isn't an emergency.
• Corporal: (To self:SIGH) No Ma'am. What is her name, please?
• MB: Angela Pectris
• Corporal: Can you spell that please?
• MB: A-N-G-I-N-A P-E-C-T-O-R-I-S
• Corporal: Excuse me? (Frantically presses the MUTE button so she can finish choking back giggles. DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?) *Angina Pectoris is recurring acute chest pain or discomfort resulting from decreased blood supply to the heart muscle.

Meanwhile, co-workers are staring at her like she has gone mad. Ambulances checking in go unanswered. They receive the "I'm busy" tone for their pains.

• Corporal: Um. Ma'am, can you please check again. I think you are reading her medical history.
• MB:Ai! hee hee! No wonder she keeps giving me funny looks. I have been calling her Angela all this time.

Then there was the transport for a nice little old lady who had fallen and hurt her hip. I double checked and confirmed the address with the caller, as I had difficulty understanding her heavy Filipino accent. So far so good!

• EMT: Dispatch? Please confirm address. We are on scene, and I BELIEVE that we have the wrong address.
• Corporal:Have you made contact with someone?
• EMT: Ummmm. Noooooo....I REALLY don't think we are at the right place. At least I really hope so. Stand by for landline.
• Jose: (with partner cracking up in background): Are you SURE this is the right address? Because unless 'The Pink Poodle' has a convalescent home upstairs for it's retired strippers, we are in the WRONG place.
• Corporal: WHAT? (*ha ha ha ha* SNORT*) I swear I double checked the address with her, when it did not code in the computer.
• Jose: PLEASE don't make me go in there. I don't want to see a stripper convalescent home! I might have to gouge my eyes out.
• Corporal: If this were a Code 1 call, I would so DARE you to go in there and act like you were there for the transport of an elderly female with hip pain!

Needless to say I ended up calling the reporting party and asked for someone else (hoping that I could understand that person). She had indeed given me the Strip Club address.

The piece de resitance was a call I received in my early days as a dispatcher. I had no problem understanding what she was saying,it is just that this call comes up whenever I reminisce with co-workers.

• Corporal:What is the chief complaint?
• Caller(again with heavy Filipino accent): Umm... well, he has a man problem.
• Corporal: *pause...OK this can be taken soooo out of context.* Can you please be more specific?
• Caller:You KNOW! He has a problem DOWN THERE.
• Corporal: Ma'm I need to know what kind of problem.
• Caller:He is complaining that his, ummm... scrotum is on fire. We moved him to a new bed and he said he was sitting on 'IT', and now it hurts.
• Corporal: *slack jawed in disbelief*

I finished taking the call, all the while dreading having to dispatch it out. Our policy was to not rely on the pager, and dispatch call details over the radio. I had already sent out the page and was steeling myself for the rig to check in.

• Seth: Unit 89 En Route Code 2. Copies broken page. Can you please confirm address and......CHIEF COMPLAINT? (I hear partner in background laughing, 'She is going to get you back.' NOTE...partner is female...important info for later.)
• Corporal: *sighs* Unit 89... respond Code 2 to (blah blah blah address), 70 year old male with a chief complaint of.... swollen genitals.
• Seth: I'm sorry, I did not copy. Can you repeat that?
• Corporal: Chief complaint is swollen genitals.
• Seth: I still did not copy.
• Corpral: *FINE.* UNIT 89. Chief complaint for your call is RED, SWOLLEN SCROTUM. Patient rates pain as a 6 on a scale of 1-10. Patient also requests a MALE tech. Embarrassed to have female tech examine him.
• Seth: SILENCE.

So I may have embellished the patient request. As time went on, I would have no shame, but when it is one's first week out of training, 'Red, swollen, scrotums' was not something I was comfortable broacasting over the airways. Ahhh....those were the days!