Things I learned as an EMT- Getting to know you

Here are a few things I learned(quickly) as an EMT. Luckily for me I learned a lot of it as an observer (dispatcher) before I even went out into the field. *Disclaimer: I may or may not have been the Prankster and/or victim in any or all of the incidents mentioned here. I hope I made myself vaguely clear. When you work on an ambulance, you spend A LOT of time with your partner. It is almost a marriage. Can you stand to work with someone in tight quarters for long periods of time? You need to be able to trust your partner with your life. After all, there are times when you will be tending to the patient in the back of a moving vehicle, amongst oxygen tanks and various objects that could fly out of cabinets at the next pothole. Just imagine the EMS 'faux pas' if your driver lacks skills, hits a pothole and you end up 'kissing' your patient as you reach over to take vital signs. (PLEASE do not ask how I know that...I'll just let your imagination go to work for you. Let's just say I am very glad that it was a regular patient, and he had a terrific sense of humor.) So here we go...

Check their DMV record, how many accidents have they had?

Sure, they had to pass a background check for employment, but you never know. Are they any accidents on their record? Whose fault was it? Do they have a habit of rearending people? You may want to follow them for a few miles after you finish your shifts, just to see for yourself. You may have a "Mr. Wheeler" on your hands.

Inspect their vehicle for dents....etc.

You can tell a lot from ones vehicle. Do they take care of it? How are the tires? Do they hit curbs? Other cars? Does their car scream "I park like an idiot?", or "I love curbs"? Again, following behind them for a bit will allow you the opportunity to see if they can stay in one lane, or if their alignment is out of whack from pothole diving. Remember! Your life and limb (and dignity) is on the line when they are behind the wheel!

What is their history of prank playing?

This is really important. Public safety workers have a unique sense of humor. You must be able to keep your eye on your partner...After all you could learn a few new tricks yourself, and stay one step ahead of them. You need to know if your partner has a habit of any of the following:

• Stealing your backup underpants or shirts, soaking them in water and freezing them.
• Stealing some article of value (such as basic hygiene implements, one shoe, your clean socks, UNDERPANTS, etc) and hiding them. If you are lucky, you get to play treasure hunt if they leave you clues to follow. (Don't forget to check above the 'false' ceiling tiles if your building has them. Also check to see if your car has a new antenna 'banner' or grille ornament.)
• Are they into tampering with your food? Or do they REALLY like to add wasabi or hot sauce to their foods, and that is why they always have some on hand? Is that wasabi going to end up on your toothbrush?
• Do they like to play 'beauty salon' with unsuspecting sleeping victims?
• Do they dust the ear buds of your stethoscope with graphite powder, vasoline or lube?
• Do they wait until you are asleep, dust you with baby powder then turn up the thermostat so you sweat like crazy, and create a nice paste on your skin?
• Add your own prank here....The list goes on and on.

And I can't forget the basics!

• How is your partners hygiene? Do they bathe? Have they run out of doubloons for a new stick of deodorant?
• Do they snore? LOUDLY? Do they sleepwalk or talk? (Hours of entertainment!)
• Do foul odors emanate from either end of their person? Often heralded by trumpets?
• Do they like to stare at you while you are asleep, just to see if you will notice?
• Do they like to talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk....?
• Do they whine?
• Do they have an addiction to sugar? (Be advised....Mountain Dew and Twinkies are a lethal combination. Prepare to peel your partner from the roof of the ambulance. They could probably pull the ambulance for the rest of the shift on this combo.)

Words of Advice.

• Always communicate with your partner.Always keep an EYE on them for that matter. Better safe than sorry.
• Wear your seatbelt. You do not want to end up being flung from the rig in case your partner drives like Mario Andretti.
• Do a scene survey EVERYWHERE. I am not speaking about when you are on a call either. Who knows what kind of surprises await you in quarters (Check bathroom and sleeping area thoroughly before each use, no matter how sleepy you are) and even on your own seat in the ambulance (Sure...That tiny bit of chocolate was forgotten on your seat by ACCIDENT). Speaking of chocolates, do not fall for the 'Ex-Lax as Choclolate' trick either. All homemade goodies must be suspected of defilement. Especially if presenter claims to have had too many.
• Check your equipment before you use it. It's a nasty feeling to plunge your stethoscope into your ears and find they are covered in lube. Try giving your turnover report to the ER Doc or RN and then try to explain why you have 'KY' in your ears, while your partner is silently holding back laughter out in the hallway. You just KNOW they did not hear a word you said, because they were mesmerized by your ears. Come to think about it, did YOU hear anything THEY said?

And most importantly...

• Wear your good underwear to work. After all, you may end up shopping in your skivvies (see EMS Standbys OR:Part II- CAN YOU SMELLLLLELLLEELLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING?),you may have to change uniforms in front of your partner or your underpants could be the victim of a cruel or embarrassing prank. Besides, if your car is to sport a new ornament, at least they won't be dirty or full of holes!