Ten things a dispatcher does NOT want to hear from the field units or her fellow dispatchers. (In no particular order)

Can you send us an ambulance? Mr. So-and-so just ran over the fire extinguisher with his new electric wheelchair. The other passengers and I abandoned ship. A bum just shoved his cart into our rig and says I hit him! What does the grinding sound mean when I hit the brakes? It sounds like the rear end is falling off of the ambulance. We lost the gas card, and we have no cash. We don't have enough gas to get back to the Bay Area. Now what? (Rig is faaaarrr away on a long distance.) I'm not coming in today. (15 minutes before you are 'supposed' to go home after a 12 hour shift in the com center.) The patients foley bag just ruptured all over the rigs floor. I forgot it was there and ran over it with the gurney as we were loading the patient. Will the pee smell dissapate? If not I'm putting this rig out of service. Sounds heard from Dispatching Partner in next chair:*Dry Heave, Dry heave BLEAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHHH!* Followed by what seems like projectile vomiting. I QUIT. (Right in the middle of a call or shift.) See FAQ's about The Corporal for more EMS shenanigans.