Cadillac Memories Part I :OR Beware of the Furniture

Ever since I first laid my eyes on the Ecto-1 in Ghostbusters, I had the desire to drive a Cadillac ambulance. When that beauty first came on the screen, I went slack-jawed and proclaimed the car 'COOOOOL!' Little did I know that one day, I would be part of a private ambulance company that still had operating Cadillacs in their fleet. It is said that 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder', and these classics were hardly the "thing" to be seen in to most of the EMT's that I worked with. They were 'ugly', too big, hard to drive, hard to work in, etc. I on the other hand, belonged to the few who took every chance they could to run calls in them. Many fond memories of working as an EMT involved one of the 3 Miller-Meteor beauties. These things are so incredible, they were even comissioned for film work. Prior to his untimely demise, Michael Hutchins (pardon if I butcher the spelling) worked with my Bosses and one of the Cadillacs for an INXS video. But I promised a story about my fond Cadillac Memories. Get comfortable, and prepare to read the Tale of...

The Corporal, Tina and the 30lb cat

Tina and The Corporal were once called on to transport an elderly lady with a possible broken hip and severe backpain to the hospital. She requested a Cadillac, because she wanted to ride in style .And as everyone knows, it would be a smooth ride. Tina and The Corporal were not working a field shift that day, as they had supervisor type duties they were attending to. But, as was wont to happen at times, calls were backing up. They eagerly took the opportunity to get out of the office, even though Tina had to run the call wearing a 'boot cast' , since she was recovering from an injury. They arrived on scene, and the call proceeded routinely. Now, as the pair entered the room, The Corporals eyes immediately came to rest upon what she deemed to be an ottoman in front of the chair the woman was sitting in. Never mind the fact that the 'ottoman' was covered in an odd blackish-grey pelt of some sort. The EMT's gingerly moved the patient onto the gurney, and attempted to maneuver her out to the ambulance without jarring her. In the process of doing so, it was necessary to move past the ottoman. It was also neccessary to lower one's self to a squatting position in order to lift the guerney to 'ride height' . Imagine The Corporals surprise (and the look of horror mingled with shock on her face) when the 'ottoman' sprouted paws that suddenly swatted at her rear as she did so.

• The Corporal: BLOODY HELL! What is THAT?
• Patient: *previously silent and morose expression broken by peals of laughter* Well if that don't beat all! He likes you.
• The Corporal: I thought 'HE' was an ottoman!
• Family: That is the first time she has laughed in a month!
• Tina: *In between fits of laughter*Oh boy! You should have seen your face!
• The Corporal: I'm glad you think this is funny Tina! *whispering* Oh God. I think my heart stopped. I almost wet my pants.
• Tina: That cat is HUGE!
• Patient: Oh that's nothing! He's lost weight. He is only 30 pounds now. He is going to waste away to nothing.
• The Corporal: *Muttering and attempting to unfasten embedded claws from her belt loop* I doubt THAT will ever happen.

Moral of the story: Never assume furry furniture to be the product of eclectic decorating tastes. It could be a shapeshifting creature, ready to grab your bottom.

See FAQ's" about The Corporal for more EMS shenanigans.