Reflections of Dispatching OR: When stupid people are left alone at night with phones.

When I was 5, I wanted to be the 'O' on the telephone. Back then, when you dialed 'O' you got the operator. I fulfilled that dream when I became a dispatcher for a private ambulance company. Which would then lead to EMT, EMT Supervisor, BTLS/CPR/First Aid/Criteria Based Dispatch Instructor, and Wheelchair Van Driver. But those are stories for another day. So, settle into your chair while I tell you a little story about dispatching.

Once there was a private ambulance company. At this company, there was a Dispatching Supervisor. She had not been a supervisor for very long, and harbored no disillusionments about the dispatchers she was leading. Weeks went by, and life went on at a nice pace, with no tremors in the waters of the communication center. She organized the logs, implemented policies and procedures to make the call center run smoothly, and implemented a uniform dress code for the dispatchers. All was going smoothly.

Now, the day came when 'funny' things began to happen on the night shift. The tape recorder for the taped lines began to act up, calls would not be entered correctly, rigs would not be answered when they checked in, and the answering service would pick up MANY calls. As the Supervisor started going over the logs, she noticed that these strange happenings always happened on the shift of one particular dispatcher (whose name shall not be mentioned, in order to protect the not so innocent). Imagine her surprise when her bosses (the owners of the company) summoned her to an urgent meeting regarding said dispatcher, the taped lines, and an outrageous phone bill.

'Corporal' they said, (That is what she was known by. Corporal Punishent, for she was a stickler for policy and protocol.) 'Corporal, we want you to take a look at this phone bill, and then go over the tapes for those calls.' As she looked over the phone bill, she was astounded to find that there were many, many calls to the same number and the times coincided with certain incidents of negligent dispatching. So she secured the tapes, and between the 3 of them, they began to piece the puzzle together.

Imagine their surprise when they discovered that beneath their very noses, this 'busy' little dispatcher had found time to call a phone sex line! He had set up an account, and was chatting up a storm (and who knows what ELSE) all night with these lovely voiced 'ladies'. No wonder EMT's were being neglected as they ran their calls.! No wonder many calls were missed, or got late responses!

When the accused came before the 'court' of Upper Management, he denied any knowledge of such deeds. Even in the face of hard evidence, such as phone bills, witness testimonials AND tape recorded conversations with HIS voice , he continued to know nothing. He had the brass balls to even go so far as to insinuate that he was being framed. FRAMED! Now, here are some questions that went through the Corporals very astonished mind.

• IF you are going to make illegal/unprofessional calls to SEX LINES, why would you make them on RECORDED LINES? Especially when you know how to access the unrecorded ones?
• WHY would you charge them to the company, when it is totally obvious who made the calls considering you are the only one in the communication center at the time these calls are made?
• WHY would you allow calls to be missed, and ignore incoming radio traffic when you KNOW it will draw an investigation?
• When it is obvious that your voice is on the taped calls, and witnesses saw you with a phone glued to your ear the entire night, why deny it?
• WHEN did it occur to you that it might be a good idea to charge $5.99 a minute calls to your employers when you know that everything that goes on in the Communication Center is monitored?
• EWWWW! What else went on while he was having these phone sessions?
• Do we need to decontaminate the entire Com Center?
• Is there a Haz-Mat situation in there?
• Do we need to burn the chairs and phone sets?

Needless to say, charges were filed, dispatcher was fired, and the entire company had gossip to last them a while. But, the story does not end here.

Months went by, and crank calls began to filter in. One of the new dispatchers began getting bogus calls, and turnover requests from a 'rival' company that were canceled just as the crew got on scene. The Corporal went to her trusty tapes and discovered a very familiar voice! It was the 'Night time phone sex at work' guy! To top it off, his new employers would not take responsibilty and claimed we were just trying to 'start crap' with them. They claimed harassment!We were supposedly out to ruin them. Apparently, 'Fired Guy' was being harassed and ridiculed by his co-workers and friend. AGAIN with the questions!

• HOW did he get a job as a dispatcher for another private ambulance company without a background check?
• No one had called to inquire as to his work habits?
• What kind of company would hire someone like this?
• WHY is he doing this on the recorded lines again?
• Can someone BE this stupid?

In the end, the accused ended up paying for his deeds. Literally and figuratively. He paid back every cent and then some, and ended up with a mark upon his permanent record. Not to mention several new nicknames, and notoriety.

From that day forth, The Corporal became more alert and one of her bubbles was forever burst. Not everyone in public safety is trustworthy. In fact, some of them are downright stupid. She would make it her job to thoroughly screen applicants, and she would become an instructor in various areas, to do what she could to ensure that only Americas Finest were in charge of public safety. She became rather manic about it working many many hours.

However, you can be sure that the first thing she did was mount a full scale disinfecting assault on the entire Communication Center. She made sure to clean the bathrooms and other living areas as well. Never before had the company used that many disinfectants, anti-bacterials, and scouring agents.

To this day, his story is legend. He is an example to all new hires on "How not to do your job." Every now and again, a call would come in on the night shift. A sultry voice would ask for him by name, and peals of laughter would echo throughout the call center.

Moral of this story, have phone sex on unrecorded phone lines if you don't want to be caught or ridiculed.