I wish I knew where this originated from...

As usual, augmented by my 2 cents in italics. My props to the unknown author of this. (I received it in an email the other day as one of those FWD: emails.)

Two Day Workshop for Men! ALL ARE WELCOME -OPEN TO MEN ONLY (I disagree...in my workshop, this is open to women as well. I can nominate a few.) Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

• HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS Step by step guide with slide presentation

(Really. Is it that hard to REFILL them? In most cultures it is considered bad form to just put the damn tray back in the freezer with 1 cube of ice. You mean to tell me that you couldn't use that one last, lonely piece of ice? And were your hands broken enough that you couldn't fill it with water before you put it back? And what is with putting back EMPTY ice trays?)

• TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable discussion

(This is a MYTH. The toilet paper fairy does not come around and put the roll onto the holder. I DO. I bitch and moan the entire time. Leaving a few squares on the old tube, and propping up the new one on top of the toilet tank is not an acceptable course of action. It is annoying. The kid ends up finding it, and then proceeds to decorate the house with it.)

• DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

(OK, my only complaint here is the removal of stinky socks and leaving them all over the house. Under the recliner, in the kitchen, the bathroom, under the desk in the office, middle of the entryway,etc. A separate laundry basket for each household member and implementing the rule that everyone does their own laundry does wonders.)

• DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts.

(Add 'Does the diswasher put away the clean dishes at the end of the cycle?' to the curriculum as well. Whoever cooks, does not clean up the dishes is the rule here. I am TIRED of the excuse "I am letting them soak." And? You must soak them for a week? I have tried ignoring them, but you know that I will cave eventually, and do them myself. The excuse "I didn't do them because you know I hate to work with dishes piled into the sink." does not fly. If you had not left them to 'soak' they wouldn't be piled would they? And it is a sight better to have a sink full of dirty dishes than countertops and stove full of them)

• LOSS OF VIRILITY Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups

(If you can not locate the 'TV clicky thing' after a brief search, less energy would be spent if you actually WALKED up to the TV and changed the channel by hand. Getting off your butt and replacing the batteries is another solution. I am not a human remote control. If I was watching TV first, I have control of the remote. Do not change the television to any other channel than the one I am watching. In fact, refrain from touching the remote. Go to the other room and watch the other TV.)

• LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

(In this discussion, we will also be talking about actually moving things around, and looking at other places besides eye-level. We are not the Jetsons. Just because you shout "BEER" or "MILK" or "CARPET CLEANER", does not mean that it will suddenly appear in your hand. Also, just because you can not find it, does not mean that SOMEONE else did not put it away properly.)

DAY TWO:

• EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN? Group discussion and role play

(This goes for plastic water bottles and beer bottles too! They belong in the recycle bin! NOT back in the icebox, nor on the counter, next to the garbage can in the kitchen or where you happened to be sitting. IN THE RECYCLE BIN> 5 steps away from the backdoor.)

• HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH PowerPoint presentation

(Would it kill you to bring home at least ONE flower a year? Just for the hell of it? Actually, I would rather a short note stashed in my pocket or purse. All you have to do is write 'I love you.' or even 'HI'!)

• REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST Real life testimonial from the one man who did

(Special update. For those of you who DO ask for directions, we will also be discussing "FOLLOWING the directions is not the same as INTERPRETING the directions." Note: If you are driving, and call me to look up directions on the computer, for the love of God, PULL OVER. It is difficult to give accurate directions if you can't stay in one place. You see that street that you just passed 2 lights ago? You were supposed to turn left. NO, it is not my fault that you have now gone 3 miles out of your way.)

• IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? Driving simulation

(Telling me that I now 'Drive like and old lady' or that I 'might need to get my eyes checked' does not help matters. I don't need to be told "GO NOW!" when about to change lanes or exit a driveway.)

• LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER Online class and role playing

(I have no issues here, therefore can not comment. This was a MAJOR theme with my ex and I prefer not to drag that dead horse down the street.)

• HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

(Just because you found everything you need, does not mean that it is now time to go. Griping about it will only prolong the process.)

• REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE-Bring your calendar or PDA to class

(See notes for 'LIVING WITH ADULTS')

• GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME Individual counselors available

(This discussion is for EVERYONE.)

TIP OF THE DAY:

Epictetus: It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.