Christmas is coming...

Courtesy of RagDolls 'Cracked Christmas Carols'

Christmas is coming, and my ass is getting fat My pants are gonna split if I eat all that And if I haven't ripped my pants in two I'll at least take off my shoes Cuz if I don't take off these heels I'll fall on you.

Story of my life during the holidays. You know, I seriously think that New Year's resolutions to lose weight, eat better, and all that jazz stems from the fact that people tend to stuff themselves silly on food they can't make themselves during the holidays. Think about it. You've tried making Uncle Ted's turkey gravy yourself, but failed miserably. Bake pies just like Aunt Edna? Forget it! And how about that *insert that special dish here* made by *insert friend or relative here*? Never! So what do you do? You gorge yourself to near oblivion at each holiday function with the excuse "Oh, I'll be good after New Years Day. Who's it gonna hurt? It's only once a year." When January 1st comes around, you weigh yourself only to discover that you've managed to tack on 1o or more pounds in a mere month. You then 'adjust' the scale because, obviously, someone has messed with it and it is 'off' by a few pounds.(Admit it!) You re-weigh yourself then proceed to strip down until you are in your undies. Clothes add two pounds! You then proclaim it all 'water-weight', 'bloated from stress and or/ too much salt intake' or 'muscle weighs more than fat'.

NO! This can't be! Your next step is to hit the gym , dust off that Ab-doer, and pop in those Tae-Bo/Sweatin' To The Oldies/Carmen Electra Pole Dancing DVDs. You may last, what, 2 weeks at the gym before you get disgusted at the wait for a TREADMILL (walking is free last time I checked). Face it, the gym is packed with a gazillion other people with the same game plan. You then resolve to do it yourself at home, and attempt to keep up with Richard, Billy and Carmen. Eventually, they too are delegated back to the hall closet and you decide to just go buy new clothes.

I am going to be honest with myself this year. I won't even bother to hit the gym. I may walk more. (GASP! WALK? That is what cars are for! Ha ha ha). I will most likely not even drag out the Ab-doer. I MAY try the Carmen Electra DVD, and I will PROBABLY pop in Richard Simmons because it's so silly and I won't be kicking a dog on accident because I am trying to 'Do Tae-Bo'. I WILL cut down my portions and I WILL stop boredom snacking on junk. If it doesn't exist in the house, I can't eat it. And by golly, I WILL stuff myself silly on all the tasty dishes that each of my relatives specialize in. Yolanda's potato salad, Uncle Ted's gravy,Tonya's macaroni and cheese, Tanya's pumpkin/cheescake pie...and as many desserts as I can handle. Tray? What tray? This is my plate. Hands off. I'm just keeping it real.

TIP OF THE DAY

He who distinguishes the true savor of his food can never be a glutton; he who does not cannot be otherwise. ~Henry David Thoreau